Mom Life: Disappointment & Grief

If you have been following me on social media, you are aware that we were expecting a baby girl in the coming months. My post have been filled with baby registery gift boxes, new items I purchased and more. To say we were excited is an understatement.

Our excitement came from a different place then most. We battled with infertility for years. I covered the disappoint of infertility with work and education success. Our only child will be turning 12 years soon and she came after 4 years of trying. So to hear that we were expecting with no medical assistance was a blessing.

Our pregnancy was progressing as normal. We made it pass the halfway mark of 20 weeks and everything was still going great. However, when we hit 21 weeks my body went into preterm labor with no symptoms. I happened to stop by the Dr's office and was informed I needed an emergency cerclage due to being dilated to 2cm. By the time I made it to the operating room I was 4cm. However, the doctor was able to successfully complete the procedure, only for us to find out a few days later my water broke.

They told us to go ahead and deliver and let her pass. I refused to let go that easy. I trusted in my faith to keep us going. Her heartbeat was still strong and I believed there was hope.

We made it to viability which is 24 weeks. We were just short of 25 weeks by 2 days when her heartbeat change rhythm. I started displaying symptoms of infection and they rushed me into delivery. I woke up from recovery in the NICU, surrounding by nurses and family telling me my baby wasn't going to make it. As I took her in my arms she took her last breath. My heartbroke. She was a beautiful angel, that looked just like my husband's little clone.

Despite the outcome, I still have faith that one day we will have another child.However, the pain of losing a child is difficult. Instead of taking a break from social media, I used that time to encourage others just as I want to do for you.

Things may not go as planned. Heartbreak may overtake you at times but you are going to make it. There is someone bigger than you, who can take your burdens and give you a peace that is unexplainable. Keep going! Don't give up. Don't quit! You got this!!